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 It was only later that I slowly learned to swallow all my grievances and unwillingness quietly. It wasn’t that I became sensible, but that I realized no one would truly understand even if I spoke upI seem to have been waitiaresult, an explanation, and a special favor all along. Only in the end did I find that what I was waiting for was just my heart slowly dying out.Most of the time, I’m not silent. It’s just that the words in my heart are too heavy. I’m afraid of disturbing others if I say them, yet it hurts myself to hold them back.I once thought sincerity could be exchanged for sincerity, only to realize later that no matter how wholeheartedly you treat some people, you canever enter their world or hold onto their steps.I pretend everything is fine during the day and only dare to let my emotions out at night. It turns out that the breakdown of adults is always silent and unnoticeable. I dig outmmemories over and over again, then push them back down. I should have let go long ago, yet I still can’t help feeling sad repeatedly late at night.Some relationships fade from passion to indifference, from intimacy to strangeness, and slip away quietly into the crowd without even a goodbye.I always think for others, but forget that I also get tired, hurt, and need to be cherished. In the end, only I am left wronged.Later, I no longer expect any response or take the initiative to get close to anyone. It’s not that I’m indifferent, but that I’m afraid of being ignored and let down again.I’ve stumbled all the way through, tasting all the sadness and disappointment. Only then did I realize that the only reliable person is always myself, and I have to bear the hardest pain alone. When the valley breeze sweeps past the seventh curve, the wild rose memorizes the speed of the clouds. Beyond the terminator line where no one observes, time folds into the spiral of fern leaves. Someone collects a season's worth of cicada molts in an earthen jar, waiting for the rainy season to arrive and fill them with sound once more.

后来我才慢慢学会，把所有的委屈和不甘都悄悄咽回去，不是变得懂事了，而是明白说了也没人真的懂。我好像一直在等一个结果，等一句解释，等一份偏爱，等到最后才发现，我等的只是自己慢慢死心。很多时候我不是沉默，只是心里的话太重，说出来怕打扰别人，咽回去又苦了自己。我曾以为真心能换真心，后来才懂，有些人就算你掏心掏肺，也走不进他的世界，留不住他的脚步。白天装作一切都好，夜晚才敢把情绪释放，原来成年人的崩溃，从来都是无声无息的。我把回忆一遍遍翻出来，又一遍遍压回去，明明早就该放下，却还是忍不住在深夜里反复难过。有些关系从热情到冷淡，从亲密到陌生，连一句再见都没有，就悄悄散在了人海里。我总是在替别人考虑，却忘了自己也会累、也会痛、也需要被心疼，最后委屈的只有自己。后来我不再期待任何回应，不再主动靠近任何人，不是冷漠，而是怕再一次被忽略、被辜负。这一路走得跌跌撞撞，尝遍了心酸与失望，才明白最可靠的从来只有自己，最难过的也只能自己扛。当山谷的风吹过第七个弯道，野蔷薇记住了云的速度。在无人观测的晨昏线背面，时间折叠成蕨类植物的螺旋。有人用陶罐收集整季的蝉蜕，等雨季来临时，听它们重新灌满声音。